Allies

Let me say this to start: I am not a parent.

I was listening to the children at the pool in my (teacher) apartment building. Several teachers/parents were also in the water with both their own children and the children of colleagues. Inevitably a small dispute arose between the children playing and a teacher/parent calmly, humourously, and authoritatively (in the sense of "able to be trusted" and "likely to be respected" from the built-in OSX dictionary) resolved it.

My first thoughts were about the potential difficulties of being both parent and teacher in the situation. I wondered about the friction it could cause when one steps in to resolve the conflicts between the children of colleagues and your own. So many parents I have known hate to see the misbehaviour of other people's children precisely because they feel no right to say anything. They worry about the response from the child - "you're not my mum/dad" - and from the parent - "I don't need you telling my son/daughter how to behave" - so that in the end they say nothing.

As I thought about it, I realized that there has been something of a generational shift. Parents used to tend to see each other as allies and trusted each other when it came to settling a dispute between children or correcting inappropriate behaviour. Don't think I have an idealized view of how things used to be; I am not waxing nostalgic.

Somewhere along the line, however, it seems that many parents started to see themselves as allies only of their own children. It seems to have narrowed down so that parents often feel hesitant to intervene with other people's children and many children feel comfortable with the you-aren't-my-dad attitude.

In the odd intersection of school and home that is teacher housing, however, that trust seems to remain (unless I am out of the loop because I am not a parent). Things run smoothly at the pool and at the playground. Children feel (and act) supervised (but not under surveillance) whether their own parents are there or not. Parents look out for their own children and the children of their peers to protect and to guide them.

For any teacher out there who happens to read this, I am curious about your thoughts - especially if you live in any kind of teacher housing situation.